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Doomed from the begining...
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| Just everything.. |
[12 Oct 2008|10:24pm] |
Just everything is falling apart.. My krew/company is just not getting anywhere.. my vice prez just left b/c he feels that we are too much of fucks up. And I agree to a certain degree.
Last nite proved it. 2 people tell me that they can count on them to take care of an event last nite and both of them don't follow thru..
1 has their dad in the hospital but I told him from the start "i can understand if you can't help.. you have family to take care of. Handle that." but he still offered to help and didn't follow thru.. ya know, don't offer if you don't mean to actually follow thru..
2nd person told me they got off work at 5pm and she was suppose to come to my job to pick up my car.. turns out for some reason she had to stay at work til 7pm.. The party started at 7pm. Supposely her boss told her that she needed her to stay til 7 b/c someone called out.. Shit if I knew that i had a previous engagement I would've told my boss "sorry can't.. I'm scheduled til 5pm and I gotta bolt from there."
I felt like a retard b/c I had to call in my v.p. that has been recovering from a 105 degree fever to cover for me b/c I had work til 11pm so I couldn't do it. If I knew that they were gonna fall thru I would've called out from work.. I just don't know if I can count on them.. I feel like I have to hold their hands most of the time to get them to do anything.. And dan (my v.p.) even agrees..
but after what happened last nite I feel like I had to hold his hand.. I hate that feeling.. I hated having to rely on dan b/c he has his own shit to deal with.. Health and Legal. He shouldn't have to feel like he is daddy babysitter as well..
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(2 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Story of EPIC FAILURE!!! |
[11 Oct 2008|06:30am] |
that made my weekend... my whole week damnit..
On the way back from Lights Out... Imagine this..
3 cars parked.....
CAR------CAR-----CAR.....
and on top of the middle car... lined up with the damn car... another car....
-----------CAR
CAR----CAR----CAR
I had to back up and look at it again @ 1st I didn't believe that I saw what i saw..
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(2 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Things are falling apart... |
[08 Oct 2008|08:55pm] |
idk.. I just don't know where to start. I honestly I don't think.. I have too many things running thru my head.. I'm scared that everything that we have worked so hard is gonna fall apart.. The crew is fighting and people don't wanna sit and talk it out..
I need a drink and a good lay..
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(3 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Finally.. |
[27 Sep 2008|05:41pm] |
I feel fulfilled at work.. I feel like I working for my money.. not just standing around hoping that time passes me by faster and faster.
It's an amazing feeling knowing that you're working for every penny that you earn and that you don't have to be watching the clock every 5 seconds to see how much longer it it til you get sweet sweet freedom..
If anything I find myself not watching the clock and find myself surprized when it's time to go to lunch or to go home.. It's great. I love it. I'm always busy busy. I'm always working my butt off... I'm either cleaning, helping customers and straighten things out in my department. Never a dull moment and my coworkers are amazing people.. Funny and strange just like me. lol..
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(1 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| mmm....Too smart |
[19 Sep 2008|11:03pm] |
For the girl that I'm dating? Sometimes I feel that way and it bothers me. I told her that I'm waiting for my friend, Ghandi to get me the tickets for the show tomorrow night and i took me a few times of explaining it to her that he was coming down here to give them to me and if he didn't show up that I wasn't gonna go.. for some reason she kept on thinking that I was gonna go down to the show and wait for him not knowing whether he was gonna show up or not.. O_o?
Then when I mentioned the name, Ghandi, i made a reference to the famous Civil Rights Activist and she had no idea who I was referring to.... It bothers me that sometimes that she doesn't know somethings like this.. I know that i didn't pay alot of attention in school but I paid enough attention to know important figures in the world.
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(4 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Just not my year.. |
[09 Sep 2008|02:19am] |
I just spent X amount of money and still in debt b/c of the car and I come to find out that it's a lemon.. wtf.. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!! my brand new car is dead.. Went to get gas just to find out that it's dead.
Not my day... not.. just not..
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(4 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| My work break is almost over.. |
[07 Sep 2008|11:43pm] |
And it's about time that I start buckling down again with my promoting business. For the most part I have stayed out of the lime light and watched my crew try to run the business but to be honest I don't feel like they show the same dedication to this project that I do. I have been talking to my vp and he keeps telling me the same info that I already knew about a month ago... Which worries me. I finally had to step in today and complete a deal with one of the other crews in order to security our vending spots at their show.
Chris keeps telling me "We're the only ones fully dedicated to this project" but I don't really see him getting up and trying to make any contacts to get us shows. Then Dan says the samething to me but this whole month he has been telling me that he was gonna take Brian aka Dj Hypnotic out to lunch in order to seal the deal and he didnt.. I finally stepped in and got the job done..
More later.. i need to get to bed..
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(Don't provoke Necro, please )
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| Something is bothering me.. |
[07 Sep 2008|06:47pm] |
So I got back with my ex.... well, not technically but we have been talking about testing the water. We are seeing the magic is still there and dating a little bit. So far things are okay when we are by each other. Its great when we are around each other but when ever she isn't around... idk.. I don't really care..
I don't mean in the sense that I don't care about her but the other day she said she missed me... and to be honest.. I couldn't find it in myself to say the same to her... Idk what it is when she's around I <3 the time we spend the together but she isn't around and she is texting me or calling me--- I find it bothersome.. idk what it is.. it's like she wants my attention all the time.
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(1 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Being famous sucks... |
[20 Aug 2008|01:00am] |
You will never see me in any movie.. you will never see me on the t.v... you will never see me on a billboard but I'm rave famous..
Last nite fucking proved it--- More people knew about my drama w/ my ex then I wish knew-- I walked into the rave that had like at least over 3k people and I can tell you that I said hi to over a quarter of the people there. I'm trying to boost my own ego or brag but it's true. Most promoters know who I am b/c of my production company, most ravers know me b/c of my popularity.. most dj's know me b/c I'll sit after their sets and compliment them on the goodset.
I don't know.. I kinda like it at times b/c it's nice knowing that you have people always asking for you.. or screaming out yer name when you walk into a party... or sneaking up on you to hug me or just bite me... or coming to you regarding advise or just wanting to strike up a conversation regarding raving in general.. The popularity is sure ego boost but i hate it when someone walks up to me and be like "oh yer the guy that was dating vortexx...nice way to fuck her over..."
It's uncalled for and unneccessary.. as if i don't feel bad enough for me being a dipshit.
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(6 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Raver break.. |
[15 Aug 2008|02:35am] |
The stress of running a company is becoming really great and a complete burden.. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling my weight around.. So.. I'm taking my raver break..
Yup.. Welcome to Furby's Annual raver break. After this saturday, it will be one month of no raving, promoting or anything... I just can't take it anymore.. the late nites promoting... Stressing about my dj's not getting their airtime.. Trying not to get ripped off.... etc.. The screaming the shouting.. everytime..
I just need a break from everything right now.. the drama of Twaney and Vortexx.. the drama of dan and his whore nibblez.. The drama between Dan and Devin.. The drama of Huggy and his attitude check.. I just hope that things don't go to the shitter while I'm gone.. i mean, i have been working too hard for this to fall apart. I have my hopes and dreams riding on this but I know if i don't take a break I'm gonna have another nervous breakdown.. I can't do that..
Other promoters and producers see me breakdown and they're gonna think I'm weak.. Can't do that. I'm strong.. I'm fucking Furby!!
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(1 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| I'm a bad person... |
[08 Aug 2008|06:23pm] |
Okay.. so the drama w/ my ex finally hit the climax..
We have been broken up for a couple months.. i was trying to get with twaney but I'm not sure anymore..
I miss my ex and everytime I think about getting w/ her she does things that make me upset.. Shit talks on Twaney, shit talks on people or tells me info that i honestly didn't wanna know..
Since we have been broken I come to find out that she slept w/ 3 people since we broke up but she tells me "I love you.. and I want to be with you!"... I know that I'm guilty of my crimes by cheating on her but I have been honest.. I have told her that I'm conflicted between her and twaney.. Sure I have gotten offers from other women to sleep w/ them but I haven't taken them.. to be honest I feel like if I were to take the offers that I would be lying to both of them.. Here I'm saying that I have feelings for both of them but i'm sleeping around. Naw that just doesn't make sense. That's why i haven't done it.. I know it doesn't make me any less evil but at least I'm not sending mixed up messages that way.
I know that we weren't together but still.. it hurts.. I know i deserve it..
well i went off on her.. I got jealous.. I showed my true colors and i hate it.
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(2 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| Friday Nite |
[08 Aug 2008|01:16pm] |
We had a show friday nite.. We did... we broke even but on the good side I did the guy throwing the party a few favors so now he owes me. I was stuck shuttling people back and forth between the party and pick up station..
I asked him for 3 favors..
1> When i throw my rave, that we have his support-- he said yes..
2> I asked him to spin for us-- he said yes and on top of that he said he would do it for free.
3> I wanna see him completely kandied out when he comes to the party.. The return of the kandi kid would rock!!
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(Don't provoke Necro, please )
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| Being on top is lonely.. |
[01 Aug 2008|01:45am] |
I'm on the fast track.. I'm the head of my company, we're finally starting to make profit.. my dream is starting to come into a reality but for some reason..
I feel alone on the top of this mountain.. maybe I'm starting to slip back into my depression. Maybe it's all the start from my regular job and this new career move.. I'm fighting it soo much for it to not hit me b/c I don't wanna slip back into it. I remember who I was back in High School w/ my bi-polarness and I don't wanna go back-- I lost soo much time and so many people thanks to that awful inbalance. I'm honestly afraid.. I keep telling myself that I'm stronger then I was back in high school.. I'm a man now, not a boy..
I have too many people relying on me for me to slip back.. I can't let them all down.. I can't let anyone else be burden by my problems b/c they all have their own issues to deal with..
I keep telling myself.. "I'm Furby, Everything rolls off me.." but it doesn't work anymore..
Just everything going on w/ Pixie and Vortexx and life in general.. it's just too much.. I wanna run away and hide.. I wanna stop being able to hear that voice of doubt and dread in my mind.
I dn't know how much more i can take...
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(Don't provoke Necro, please )
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| Success! |
[29 Jul 2008|03:23pm] |
Saturday nite, my company (Fully United Productions or the F' ups for short) indirectly threw our 1st party last night. Actually it wasn't our party, it was my friend Silver and his brother's rave but my crew did most the work. We helped setup, did security, did vending, did a bit of crowd control, tending to the dj's, etc etc.. Basically we did all the work.. which honestly pissed me off..
Originally, HKP(Silver's crew) told us to show up around 5pm the night of the party.. The day before the party, he decides that he wants us there at 12.. He had more then plenty of time to tell us about this but chose to save it to the last minute and threaten to not give my crew their free passes if we didn't show up at the latest by 4. I wasn't gonna have that. I demanded that he gave us water right if he was gonna pull this last minute stuff. He caved in becuase he knew that he couldn't get the amount of man power that i had in such short notice.
The party was meh.. My company's dj didn't get to spin b/c we got shutdown like 2 hours ahead of time. The party started an hour late. I was promised around 600 people.. we got like 200. I made profit in the party but still, not as much as I wish that I had made. The faster I make the $$ I faster I can throw my own party and rock the LA rave scene. Show them that this old school raver knows what is needed in order to throw a party.
I was pissed mostly because I'm trying to give my dj's as much airtime I can so they can become big and famous. I want nothing but success for my crew members. The thing is though. Brujah(my dj) was suppose to spin a battle set against this dj name Jedi Kid... well he is throwing his own party next week so I suggested, why don't they have their battle at his party?
He was down and that brought Brujah's spirit back up. i can't wait for next weeks party. We vending there, massage and we have our dj's spinning. AWESOME!!
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(Don't provoke Necro, please )
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| My company. |
[25 Jul 2008|12:46am] |
So I got appointmented to the head of Fully United Productions.. I was voted in last nite because we didn't have an official leader before, we just assumed that Glytj, Huggy and myself were the head people to talk to regarding any issues.. But yeah, I'm honored but at the sametime.. I'm stressed..
I mean, this is a big responsibility. HUGE! I'm just worried that I'm gonna send the crew crashing to its knees w/ the wrong decisions.. i know that I can't show that to the rest of the crew.. I don't want them to think that their leader is a coward or a weakling. I can't.. Just soo much stress.
The issues w/ Texx...(incase you don't know that's my ex gf).. the issues w/ Pixie(the love interest).. Trying to figure things out.. the issues w/ my mom and her surgery.
It's just alot.. I feel myself starting to slip back into my depression.. I'm fighting it but I feel like I'm gonna slowly cave in. I keep fighting it but.. just soo hard sometimes. Somedays I don't feel like getting up in the morning. I think it's the drugs taken affect on me.. I mean, I have never been huge on them-- here and there once in a blue moon but still they're bad for you. Real bad. Even WEED is bad.
I wanna get away from CA.. I wanna go visit my brother in NYC.. Maybe that will do some good for me.. I know that when I'm around him, he slaps some sense in me. Literially.
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(Don't provoke Necro, please )
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| okay... |
[12 Jul 2008|10:41pm] |
logic of this.. doesn't make sense to me...
I tried talk to texx today.. just to tell her Kenny got arrested and that there are some pics of her on this website b/c i thought she would like to know..
instead i get yelled at... fine whatever.. i'm done w/ her anger and rage.. she has the right to it b/c i did cheat on her and I do regret the pain i caused her... Then she goes and tells me.. "oh btw at Moonlight Phantasy.. I slept w/ Kenny--- Kenny is one of my closest friends.. He never told me..
Wtf.. and that she slept w/ someone other guy when we weren't together.. outta anger and spite she told me this.. I know we weren't together at the time but I'm still fucking HEATED ABOUT IT..
The other guy I dnt care but the fact that she slept w/ someone that claims to be my friend.. WTF.. ARGH!! I don't know why I'm mad.. i shouldn't care.. I shouldn't!!! So why do I?
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(2 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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[02 Jul 2008|11:14pm] |
The pixie side of the arguement.. I like pixie.. She's really sweet and funny.. She's not vengeful like vortexx-- that's one thing that i didn't like about her.. like out of venegence for me, she told me that I should shoot myself...I so disliked the fact that she would get vengeful over the littliest things like anubis not letting her borrow her lights or Kenny selfmedicating himself.
Pixie is overall fun and sweet. She is honest and a striaght shooter. She's funny and is always making me laugh with the comments she makes. She always tries to keep a cheery personality even though things in her life are partly cloudy at best. I like that. I have to admit that I'm being a little bit selffish too. I like also the way that I make her feel.. she is always saying.. "you're too much.. you do so much for me.. you're so wonderful... etc etc.." and i honestly believe it..
I know that i'm just trying to make myself feel better by doing this.. but I also feel like I can do her some good in her life.. i.. i don't feel like i can do that for anyone else. Just saying that made me wanna cry a bit..
I haven't had a good night of sleep in weeks.. I have been disgrutable more then ever lately.. everyone is noticing it.. I have been stressed out.. i have been smoking more then ever..
and not just cigs..
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(2 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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| For Vortexx aka my ex g/f |
[01 Jul 2008|10:13am] |
I don't know why i'm soo conflicted.. I know that it should be easy to just drop it and let it go but I can't.. I tell myself that i need to let it go but i can't. I'm still hooked on texx. I keep thinking to myself that I should just go for pixie but I can't find myself putting my own afford in it.
Just something Texx does argh me. I told her yesterday to not come over.. I told her it was a bad idea. She came over.. I had pixie and Texx in the same house at the sametime. I don't know how to act. I love texx.. I do. I think all the time about all the adventures we had and even the things that got on my nerves seem sweet and endearing now.. i miss how i felt like the world greatest guy around and the only guy around.. but i can't even think of myself that way anymore. I did her wrong.. I did her horrible wrong. Yet she still wants me, idk why.. I don't deserve her. I don't. She deserves someone that will treat her right-- yet.. i'll admit.. i want her affection so much. How she would get all cuddly and be my smitten little kitten.. I miss when she got all cute and dressed up.. She was my graver queen.. I keep pushing her away right now b/c I don't trust myself to not screw her over. I don't feel like i deserve her.. i don't feel like she be stuck w/ scum like me.. By pushing her away, I'm trying to do one last heroic move to spare her even if it cost me knowing that i have that contest of someone so great and so loyal in life.. What i need is for her to be gone and happy.. i can't provide her w/ that happiness..
I know there is another side to the arguement.. the pixie angle but i'm too warn out.. i really wanna just shot myself.. I'll bring that up later..
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(1 Necro Okotta BaaiDon't provoke Necro, please )
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